Straight from heart
September 3, 2020
My birthday cake this year, said Congrats!! CONGRATS! For the mental and personal growth, my family and friends could see in me, the person I had become in the past year, after I had my first therapy session.
For the longest time I had been a lost, rude, low self-esteemed, and an under-confident person after getting out of a toxic relationship and even more toxic break-up.
Every time you pass through a difficult phase in life, all you want to do is run away!!Running away from crying your heart out! Running away from facing your negative emotions! Shying away from talking to someone and fighting your demons!All that, just to forget or to deny what has happened to you. I did the exact same thing.
All of us hold our own reasons for that, but no reason can be big enough to make you go through that distress and vacuum you feel emotionally for not venting out.
I remember my first conversation with Ms Gargi (my psych), she said “tumne apni sari feeling and memories ek box mai band kardi and you thought you have moved on” – that’s right, I pretended to have moved on and kept on feeling anxious over every little thing and kept hampering my mental peace.
Most of us do that, we just distract ourselves from our thoughts and emotions by watching that Netflix series or by shopping, by getting busy with our work or by hanging out with our friends.
But the most uncomplicated way to deal with it is just to reach out to someone or to seek professional aid. This is what Gargi made me realize she made me fight and accept the emotions and painful incidents I was holding back in my heart; she made me understand my worth and how other’s actions towards us don’t define us.
The time we spend with our friends and family to distract ourselves I believe is meaningless if we are not happy inside.
Simple joys of being grateful for life, my people, nature or feeling the breeze on my face, savoring every little activity I do, being able to sleep without shedding tears or feeling sad despite having everything you need in life, I have been able to enjoy all that by getting off the unnecessary weight I’ve been carrying on for so long.
I cried, I laughed over my stupidities in my sessions, that made the person I am today much more kind(I think) and evolved who is now always mindful of her emotions and her vices, constantly strives to become a better version of herself.
I do not have “Love” in my life for now, but I have an immense amount of self-love that eventually makes you a better and compassionate human being.
I am a teacher by profession I have a lot to learn in terms of my knowledge but one thing am sure of is I will always be able to understand my students and will try to contribute to their emotional growth (something am grateful for). That’s the confidence I got from my healing process.
From being lost and directionless to becoming a person knowing her worth, the Journey has been beautiful.
“Every difficult phase is a character-building phase for life,” said Gargi, this stayed with me and am sure will help me forever in every low of life.
I embraced her, felt grateful to her, and moved on in the true sense this time.
P.S. I hated milk and now I can’t sleep without my warm milk and reading session, I couldn’t write three gratitude a few months back and am writing this blog today.
Love and Smile.